Twisted Christmas Songs

Twisted Christmas CD
Get twisted with Bob Rivers!

They may not be traditional holiday carols, but the Twisted Christmas songs by Bob Rivers are fun renditions of the craziness of the holiday season that many people can relate to. Before you set up a Christmas party playlist, however, you should be familiar with each song's lyrics and understand that they are not always appropriate.

About Bob Rivers

Bob Rivers is a popular radio personality and parody songwriter in Seattle, Washington. He began his radio career in Connecticut and has also been on the air in Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and New Hampshire as part of a career that spans more than 20 years. Along with his opinionated radio shows, he is also well known for crafting song parodies, most especially of Christmas carols. His Twisted Christmas songs are frequently played on radio stations across the country during the holiday season, and he has released several albums of crazy Christmas songs.

Popular Twisted Christmas Songs

While Bob Rivers has released more than two dozen Christmas humor parody songs since the late 1980s, his most popular songs are requested year after year and have become just as familiar as any traditional tune.

  • 'The Twelve Pains of Christmas': This parody of the Twelve Days of Christmas does not discuss gifts given by a true love, but instead pokes fun at the parts of the holiday season that few people enjoy, such as excessive bills, visits from in-laws, writing Christmas cards, and stringing Christmas lights.
  • 'Wreck the Malls': Sung to the tune of Deck the Halls, this Twisted Christmas parody is a fun list of pranks and mischief in that haven of holiday shopping, the mall.
  • 'The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen': Sung a cappella to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen, this song is a classic funny favorite.
  • 'It's the Most Fattening Time of the Year': The holiday season is a time of rich meals and decadent treats, and this parody of It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year lists fattening foods and unconscionable eating habits that plague even the healthiest dieters during the holidays.
  • 'The Chimney Song': Sung by an innocent child's voice, this song is not a carol parody, but rather an original tune about Santa being stuck in a chimney long after Christmas.
  • 'Police Stop My Car': A parody of Feliz Navidad, this perky yet twisted carol pokes fun at ethnic profiling during police stops during the holiday season.

More Twisted Songs

In addition to these popular favorites, Bob Rivers' Twisted Christmas parodies include such outrageous titles as:

  • We Wish You Weren't Living With Us
  • A Visit From St. Nicholson
  • O Come All Ye Grateful Dead-Heads

  • I'm Dressin' Up Like Santa (When I Get Out on Parole)
  • Toy Sack
  • Sled Zeppelin
  • Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow!
  • Parking Spaces
  • There's a Santa Who Looks a Lot Like Elvis
  • All You Need Is Elves
  • Buttcracker Suite
  • Hey You! Get Off My House
  • Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear
  • I Came Upon a Roadkill Deer
  • Teddy the Red-Nosed Senator
  • Have Yourself an Ozzy Little Christmas

Where to Buy the Songs

Bob Rivers' Twisted Christmas carols can be found in a number of CD and cassette compilations, including

  • Twisted Christmas
  • More Twisted Christmas
  • I am Santa Claus
  • Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire
  • White Trash Christmas

These albums can be found in the holiday or comedy sections of most major music stores during the holiday season. Individual funny Christmas songs and full albums are also available for mp3 downloads from different online music retailers, including iTunes and Napster.

Playing Twisted Christmas Carols

The Twisted Christmas albums may be hilarious to one person, but they can easily be offensive to another. Before sharing the songs or adding them to a holiday party playlist, be sure to carefully preview all the lyrics for profanity, racial and ethnic slurs, and other offensive language.

Despite the popularity of these songs, they are not considered appropriate for more conservative events, such as a school classroom holiday party, a religious service, or a formal Christmas party. Instead, reserve them for lighthearted holiday moments or anytime during the holiday season when you need a cheery laugh.


From casual parodies to more questionable songs, the Twisted Christmas songs can be fun alternatives to traditional carols if they are played at appropriate times an before an appropriate audience. Whether you just need a laugh or you want to poke fun at the whole institution of Christmas, Bob Rivers can help!

Twisted Christmas Songs