It's That Time of Year Again
You're dusting off grandma's old recipe cards (or if you're under 40, you're now Googling "recipe cards"). Your Kitchen Aid mixer's spinning faster than a drunk file clerk at an office party. Plates full of cookies appear everywhere you go: the break room at work, the coffee table at your neighbor's house, the trunk of your car (shh . . . your secret's safe).
Have you ever wondered what your favorite Christmas cookie says about you? There's a new personality test in town, and it tastes way better than any others you've tried.
You're a people person. The more the merrier. You like 'em spicy. You like 'em sweet. You like people so much that when you're alone, you'll bake dozens of tiny ones, drown them gangster-style in milk, then bite their heads off. But don't tell anyone, or they'll stop coming to your parties. And you love parties!
You'll find any excuse to fill your home with friends. Book club getting together for the holidays? You're hosting. Soccer team looking for a party venue? Bam: you've got 16 rambunctious kids tearing up your backyard. Just, uh, don't eat them, okay? That business would land you on the 11 o'clock news. And not in a good way.
Frosted Sugar Cookies
You're meticulous, patient, creative, and either exquisitely detail-oriented, or a little OCD. When you bring a plate of cookies to a party, people aren't sure if they should eat them or Shellac them and hang them on the Christmas tree. But don't worry, no one has done it better than you have. They wouldn't dare. Everyone loves you for your crafty savvy, or they pretend to love you for it because, let's be honest, they all want to be on your gift list.
You're the Dolly Parton of Christmas cookies. You're bright, kind, bubbly and fun-loving, and people marvel over your, ahem, unique shape. Okay, maybe not that last one. Really though, everyone wants you at their holiday parties, sparking up conversations, cracking jokes, and spreading joy. With your effervescent personality, you leave a sugar buzz of happiness wherever you go.
It's Christmas, but you don't care. Forget the green and red sprinkles; you're busting out the Toll House recipe. Why? You know who you are, and you know what you want. You're loyal, dedicated, generous, and a bit of a rebel. You stand up for what you believe, and you believe in chocolate chip cookies, which you bake from scratch and bring to holiday gatherings, on your Harley-Davidson, wrapped in foil. That's the cookies wrapped in foil. Not you. You're not that kind of rebel. Or are you?
Chocolate Crinkle Cookies
You are a down-to-earth, mama-goddess type. You've got your eyes on the heavens, but you're rooted in the loamy soil. During the hectic holiday season, and all throughout the year, your friends turn to you for perspective. Who else can they rely on for a calming cup of tea and a soul-awakening chat? In fact, you've developed a bit of a reputation for your uncanny fortune-telling skills, reading the mysteries of the future in the chocolatey crevices of a crinkle cookie.
Peanut Butter Blossoms
Clearly, you're a powerhouse. Even in your Christmas cookie, you're looking for protein. When preparing for the holidays, you're more likely to be found slinging kettle bells at Crossfit than vying for a parking space at the local mall. You don't need to go shopping. You'll be gifting people with gym passes (again).
Your family might not like it, but your friends will understand. They're like you. Your kind doesn't gain five pounds during December; you add five pounds to your deadlift goal. So eat up, Peanut Butter Blossom. You will need the fuel.
Do you want to build a snowman? No. No, you don't. You're a hot toddy in the lodge, three sweaters and a blanket, toasty by the fireplace, call me when winter's over type. Actually, you don't mind December's sub zero temperatures and short days, as long as you never have to leave your house.
You'd rather cocoon indoors with your loved ones or a hot mug of something (shot of whiskey optional). Let those other fools catch snowflakes on their tongues. The only fluffy white substance you want near your mouth is the powdered sugar on these snowball cookies.
Hello, you smokin' hot vixen. Congtratulations. You've chosen the bodice-ripper of Christmas cookies. You're a dreamer, a romantic, a visionary. You want your cookie to take you places, like to a piazza in Rome at dusk, where that achingly handsome stranger dips his biscotti in the thick foam of your cappuccino, while penetrating your soul with his fathomless green eyes. Or something like that.
Toffee Bar Cookie
Ah yes, you're the Charles Dickens of Christmas cookies. You don't need the ghosts of Christmases past or future terrorizing the Scrooge out of you. You're inherently ethical and charitable, giving what you have to the people who need it most. You live your life by a series of lessons that you learned once and never forgot. People can depend on you for clear advice and a measured response to any question. Know that wrapped inside all that reliability, you're sweet to the core.
Stained Glass Cookies
You're the keeper of family traditions, the dutiful daughter who stays up past midnight, replicating great-grandmother's stained glass cookies. And you appear to enjoy it -- only because nobody sees bleary-eyed you, in the wee hours of the morning, scooping errant powdered sugar out of jelly with your fingernail. They're all sleeping, those ungrateful bastards, dreaming about their favorite Christmas cookies. But you do it anyway, because tradition!
Somewhere in the great beyond your great-grandmother is rolling her eyes at you, texting her sisters: SMH. When will she learn?